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On serve and when whipping his forehand, Novak Djokovic's grunt is that of a bullfrog, "WooooAH-UH." Rafael Nadal goes for a throatier, "AAArrgggHH." Occasionally, Andy Murray offers up a more hushed, constricted, "Eeeeeehhh." From Roger Federer, of course, we tend to get the sound of silence.
Caroline Wozniacki's stats in tennis majors make for grim reading.
Suddenly, Mario Balotelli doesn't seem quite so amusing anymore.
For fans of soccer, Feb. 1 promises to be a sad day.
Lawyers working to prove that Alberto Contador doped at the 2010 Tour de France came "very close" to walking out in protest at his hearing before the Court of Arbitration for Sport, The Associated Press has learned.
The most interesting fact provided by Wayne Rooney in his sweaty postmatch interview after beating Manchester City was not that he wants to stay with Manchester United "for a long time."
Not only is nostalgia not what it used to be, its beguiling powers of deception can be dangerous, too. The desire to relive emotions long faded can make one do foolish things — like going to see Deep Purple in concert, a mistake I've made, or believe that Thierry Henry and Arsenal are still a match made in soccer heaven.
With more than 100 billionaires and counting, it was only a matter of time before China's financial muscle started making dents on world soccer, following in the designer-clad footsteps of moguls from the Middle East and Russia.
It's a sad reflection on our times that an amazing scoreline in soccer this week sparked doubt when it should just have inspired awe. Conspiracy theorists with unsubstantiated mutterings of a possible fix prevented Lyon from simply basking in its 7-1 rout of Dinamo Zagreb in the Champions League, devaluing the remarkable achievement. With good reason, the French club was angry and hurt.
Wow, it must be fabulous being Joao Havelange.
Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has an excuse ready in case things go wrong. Because even he seems unable to predict which Mario Balotelli will show up: the nonchalant striker of impressive goals or the young man who can at times appear immature and as hard to manage as nitroglycerine.
Robin van Persie was a better soccer player than Lionel Messi in 2011. Or are statistics which suggest that misleading? Either way, this is official: It is plain absurd that the captain of Arsenal isn't a nominee with Messi for FIFA's Golden Ball award.
For sports fans who feel or who are on the wrong side of 40, the annual awards season can be a little sobering.
For a deeper perspective about the week Sepp Blatter will want to forget, Lilian Thuram was the obvious person to call.
"Resign!" howled Sepp Blatter's critics in England after the FIFA boss spouted ill-timed and offensive views on racism in soccer.
Like a Hollywood film noir, Alberto Contador's devilishly complex doping case has mystery, intrigue, suspense, an as-yet-unidentified villain and a very uncertain outcome. But unlike the movies, there won't be a satisfying ending.
In the era of eye-in-the-sky satellites that spy on the Earth and telescopes that peer ever-deeper into the cosmos, it seems astounding that we can't hear much of what soccer players say to each other on a field. Perhaps it is time for some "Big Brother" surveillance in soccer, too.
England 1, FIFA 0. And at what cost to football?
That long and graceful left arm that made a teenage sports star of Mohammad Amir won't be of much use in prison. Behind bars, his rare ability to hurl a cricket ball with the ferocity of a catapult, to make it swing and spin hypnotically and dangerously through the air and to ground it with smart-bomb precision time after time will go to waste.
The Alex Ferguson era isn't over at Manchester United. Still, this did feel like the beginning of the end.
As with Elvis Presley's death or the Moon landing, those who care about Manchester City can recall where they were and what they were doing when a billionaire sheik from Abu Dhabi radically rerouted the trajectory of their soccer club and threatened to darken Alex Ferguson's twilight years as manager of rival Manchester United.
When Wayne Rooney set alight the 2004 European Championship as an 18-year-old, becoming the youngest goal scorer in the tournament's history, no crystal ball could have foretold that the brilliant but flawed gem of English football would go on to become such a disappointment and liability for his country.
The short-sightedness of Indian cricket administrators could be a bonus for fans of Major League Baseball.
Should Red Bull designer Adrian Newey somehow mislay his genius between now and the start of the next Formula One season, all those likening Sebastian Vettel to legendary drivers like Ayrton Senna or speculating that he could overtake Michael Schumacher's records of seven world titles and 91 race wins are going to feel pretty stupid.
Tony Parker packed his bags for three months — just in case the NBA lockout lasts that long.
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